Today

today, I did what I was supposed to do.

I felt in control of my destiny

i showed up for everyone, including myself.

tested just enough, connected just enough

detached just enough, well-fed, hydrated,

exercised, stretched, rested, bathed,

coached, trained, made the call,

caffeinated, conversed, made a plan

and followed it, flirted, ogled, flexed,

shared my knowledge, asked good questions,

touched gently, fought back, asserted myself

made the lift, saw eye to eye, took good notes,

said something nice, helped someone succeed,

paid my bills, solved a problem, asked for advice

set a date, checked the box, crossed it off my list.

 

I did everything i wanted to today

I moved the process forwad.

I took initiative and made important decicions

I was empathetic and energetic and expressive

I used emojis and I used my words

put away my clothes and played with my dog

ate the right kind of food for the kind of

work i needed to do, avoided additction again

I was responsibly irresponsible, i risked

for glory, i inspired, i succeeded and completed

I felt my breath and felt my strength,

and I felt the edge of my abilities and

i used intelligent restraint and I felt myself

keep pace and I felt myself let go and I felt

myself contract and expand instead of contract and

relax. I’m in the mood to do the work and

get shit done.

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on the right path

stuff that I used to feel, I don’t feel anymore

I don’t pick my teeth anymore, am i less stressed?

I’m moving at a new pace, I’m making new plans

I’m taking time for myself, I’m learning

how to say what I mean, I’ve leaving fear behind

I’m saying what is, and understanding more

the importance of listening and saying involved.

 

No shortage of opportunities, though

I convince myself otherwise

paying attention to what is around me

instead of reaching out to grasp at something

that doesn’t want to be held close anyway.

 

everyday needs a goal and i’m okay with taking it

one day at a time.

memories are there for those who want them

but not everyone need to keep checking behind them

to make sure they are on the right path.

not much to write about

I like not having much to write about

I feel the settling more and more

some parts are falling and landing

differently than i imagined

other parts, I never imagined.

filling in holes I didn’t perceive

thinking lots of thoughts but not as

much action right now, but that’s okay.

I’m having more conversations, I’m feeling

my way through interactions, not rushing

but maybe less urgent than I should be.

 

A few days away, a reset,

disconnecting, reconnecting, tuning in,

dropping out, just to stay sane.

I can feel myself moving in the directions

I want to be going, and the changes

are feeling more and more life real life.

Rhythm

The downs always come back up

on the day or hour or week

finding my rhythm is the trick

finding the trick to help me

control my rhythm

 

control isn’t what I want

but oddly, it is what i’m always

working on

checking my impulse

talking myself down

holding on to what I’ve got

until i decide its no longer

what I want.

 

I can feel the difference now

and I’m calling the shots

more often, I’m deciding to decide

i can sometimes hear that other voice

and I can sometimes take the easy way

but I don’t.

 

I’m finding the things I’m looking for.

I’m saying the words I mean.

I’m doing stuff that brings me joy

i’m living the life I choose.

paying off

keeping track is paying off

asking for help is paying off

crying more is paying off

asking more questions is paying off

training more is paying off

politely saying no is paying off

holding back is paying off

planning ahead is paying off

taking it slow is paying off

trusting my gut is paying off

saying hello is paying off

showing up is paying off

doing what brings me pleasure is paying off

finding a new challenge is paying off

enthusiastically saying yes is paying off

making lists and checking boxes is paying off

letting go is paying off

reaching out is paying off

staying the course is finally paying off

enough editing for tonight

enough editing for tonight

putting things in their place

takes time and has its cost

refining is the same as committing

burning of the unused and detrimental

i can’t afford that kind of energy

in my life.

putting things in their place

means I know what I need

taking my time and weighing the cost

committing to this new trajectory

finding essential and necessary

intertwined with passion and purpose

learning what it means to commit

and surrounding myself with that energy