A Fool-Proof Method For Making Your Relationship Work

Hello Friends 🙂

Today, I am reposting something Alix found on Facebook a few days ago. I’m not sure who wrote it, but I respectfully give all credit where it is due. I’m sure some of you have already read this; that’s okay, read it again and memorize it and pass it on. There is some incredible info here, and it fits right in with the message of the Living Revolution. I’d love to hear your thoughts, so drop a comment, shoot me an email or message me on Facebook. Read the whole thing, I am sure you will find something valuable to use in your life. Until next time…

Peace.Tobias.

A Fool-Proof Method For Making Your Relationship Work

Love. Sex. Boys and Girls. The same problems and frustrations again and again. We’ve all been there a million times, and still might be wondering when we’ll find that ONE, that perfect person we want to stay with forever and ever. Even if we’re in a relationship, we reach that point where the person we’re with doesn’t feel as special as they used to. Maybe we start picking at their flaws or noticing other people, wondering if we’d be happier with them. And once again, the relationship begins its slow decline.

What if you could guarantee a spark that lasted – no matter who you were with – and a happier life to go along with it?

The ancient teachings of Buddhism suggest that we can do just that if we transform our relationships into Spiritual Partnerships. If we use our relationships to make us wiser, kinder and more compassionate, we can actually change how they function. We can have the relationships and lives we’ve always dreamed of.

So what exactly is a Spiritual Partner? He or she is an ally for personal growth. You both decide that you want to work together to become your best selves as quickly as possible. You commit to helping and loving each other – and, here’s the key – everyone around you. Because, it is only when you are living love and kindness that your relationship will truly flourish. Try it and see. When put into practice you can make all your dreams come true.

How do you do it?

Whether you’re in a relationship or seeking a new one, here are 10 methods for building a Spiritual Partnership.

1. Commit to something higher

The element that elevates a “Spiritual Partnership” beyond an ordinary relationship is the revolutionary idea that your role is to support each other on your path to reach ultimate evolution, to become your best self. Get clear that what you are looking for is not just physical security or emotional support but spiritual evolution. This means you are supporting each other in your mutual quest to become a more “enlightened” being. Whatever goals you set for your relationship will dictate how it functions day to day. If your goal is company, or financial security, don’t expect long-term satisfaction. If your goal is radical evolution of your body, mind and spirit, expect fulfillment beyond your dreams.

2. Be what you want them to be.

Make a list of the qualities you most want in a partner. Instead of looking for amazing features in someone else, develop them in yourself. For example: If you want a partner with financial stability, get stable yourself! You want someone fun? BE fun! The beauty of perception is that you will see all your own qualities, both good and bad, reflected back to you in your partner. Be complete in yourself, and you will see completion in your partner.

3. Cleanse past relationships

Think of your exes. What comes to mind? If it’s anything other than love, you have some work to do. The images and feelings that arise in your memory color how you experience your current relationships. Learn to forgive. No matter how bad your past relationship was, it taught you exactly what you needed to learn. There is no reason not to love, ever.

4. Recognize change and use it to grow

Part of healing past relationships is embracing change. In Buddhist philosophy, this understanding is the foundation of wisdom. There’s no start without a finish, no beginning without an end, no life without death. Your relationship will transform as you each evolve. As Spiritual Partners, your job is to love and support each other through this process. Use change for growth—don’t fight it.

5. Cultivate a meditation practice, every day

If you want to see a wise, loving, spiritual partner, you must be that yourself. Create a daily practice that includes meditation or deep contemplation. There are a multitude of studies that prove the mental and physical health benefits of meditation. Learning to get still and meditate well is just like anything else: it takes training. Find and practice a method that speaks to you and connects you to something higher. The time and attention you give your meditation practice determines the results you will get. And don’t let it scare you – you can start with just a few minutes a day.
For guidance, check out : The Tibetan Book of Meditation or

http://www.dhamma.org/

6. Get Physical, every day

An important aspect of the relationship dynamic is how our body feels when we’re together. Touch, intimacy and connection are essential ingredients of Spiritual Partnerships. In order to have a satisfying intimate relationship, you must have a body that you feel good in. Yogic teachings explore the subtle energetic connections we have with each other. In order to access these deeper dimensions, your physical form must be healthy. Commit to a healthy diet that works with your needs. Commit to an exercise regimen that enlivens you. Do something fun! Turn yourself on, and watch what happens in your intimate partnership…

7. Face your demons

We all have baggage, right? We all have shadows that we don’t want to see. Being in a Spiritual Partnership requires that we grow up into the person we were meant to be. An essential step is bringing what we most deny in ourselves into the open. Partnerships are challenging. Your relationship is going to bring all your darkness to the surface. This is usually when the relationship ends, or when the “blame game” starts. Resolve instead to help each other work through the psychological issues that arise. And don’t think they won’t arise! Find a good coach or therapist, as necessary. Do this work and watch your hearts flower and your minds expand. Otherwise your own shadows will inevitably undo your relationship.

8. Date with an Angel, twice a month (at least!)

How you treat your relationship will create the results you experience. Is this the most special person on the planet to you? If so, how should you treat them? If you relate to them as a sacred being, they will be. If you treat them as ordinary, they will be. Make a commitment that you will have a “ Date with an Angel” twice a month. Remember the blissful feelings when you first met, and recreate those times. Dress up, go out to the best restaurant, or make their favorite meal at home. Take time to make everything special. Think about what they would like: flowers, gifts, the works! Plant the seeds to experience a sacred partner, and watch those seeds ripen into enchanted experiences.

9. Align Your visions

A Spiritual Partnership is all about supporting each other’s deepest desires. In order to stay together, your two visions must align. Ask each other: What do you most wish for? What is calling you? Explore these questions with courage and honesty. Your visions do not need to agree, but they need to align. Find the common aspects of both of your visions for the future. Maybe one of you wants to live abroad, while the other wants to live near family. Instead of getting caught in dualism, look for “third ways.” We can move mom with us! Or live each place 6 months a year. Be creative, open and positive. When you work from a place of love, solutions can always be found.

10. Go for your dreams

We are all meant to be the heroes of our own lives. No one can do it for you, even your spiritual partner. The best thing you can do for your relationship is to become the being you dream of, the being you were born to be.

Take 10 quite minutes alone, and do the following contemplation:
Imagine the end of your life. You are happy, healthy 100 years old.
You have accomplished everything you most dream of. No regrets, nothing left undone.
The 3 people you are closest to get up to speak of everything you have done and what they admire about you.

Spend some time writing down what they said.

Now is the time to step into that dream. A Spiritual Partnership is a beautiful and powerful method to help you achieve a perfect relationship and anything else your heart desires. Because in the end, it all comes down to love.

It’s ancient wisdom for modern times.

On Diversity

Hello Friends,

After finishing this post, I realized I have a bit more to say on the importance of standing out, and the importance of creating and maintaing diversity in our daily lives. I believe I have made my position clear on the value of accentuating your individuality, but I am not sure if I made clear how important diversity is to an effective Living Revolution.

Using the natural world as an example, we see that diversity provides animals, plants, and other organisms the most possible options for success. We also see that because of diversity, a variety of different species can coexist  symbiotically in a fairly small area as each fills a specific niche within a given ecosystem. Healthy, vibrant ecosystems function most effectively when diversity is maintained through the processes of natural selection, evolution, and adaptation.

Look at all the pretty colors! Sweet Diversity!

On the other end of the spectrum, we have monoculture. Here, the environment has been simplified and reduced to the lowest common denominator. Often, agribusinesses are based on the monoculture model which require massive amounts of fertilizers, insecticides, pesticides, and herbicides to maintain uniformity of the crop. This is not a natural environment and cannot exist without constant human intervention.

These images  symbolize only a fraction of the destructive reality of monoculture, and  it is easy to recognize that the process of creating a monoculture is not the most effective may to interact with the world around us. While a monoculture may yield an amazing amount of wheat or soybeans in the short term, the process is not sustainable in any sense of the word, and eventually the land base will be reduced to a desert wasteland.

Agribusiness offers a terrible example of what a monoculture can produce, but this is not the most important example. This process is often applied to societies by governments, in an effort to make people easier to control. Fear of, and hate for, “the other” are often used to establish a foundation in favor of reducing diversity, and once differences (however arbitrary), are established, the majority is easily led to believe a false reality. It has happened many times, all over the world, with disastrous results.

Does this idea look familiar to anyone else? It reminds me of something…
Ahhh, yes. Now I remember where I saw that kind of conformity.

It must be so confusing to be a racist and bigot. All around us are examples of how diversity, individuality, and heterogeneity make the world a healthier,  more vibrant, more interesting place to live. Especially in America, the mixing pot of the world’s races, ethnicities, and nationalities, it seems almost impossible to be convinced that one kind of person is better than another, or that one small, special group of people would fare better if everyone else were not around. Racism, and prejudice in general, are belief systems that exist despite millions of years worth of evidence to the contrary.  These beliefs go against logic, they go against reason, they go against science. As a species, we thrive on difference. As individuals, we need difference to define ourselves and recognize what makes us unique.

You might be wondering what all this has to do with the Living Revolution. So, I will tell you.

If we are going to achieve any lasting change, if the Living Revolution is going to be effective, we need to recognize the barriers that have been erected in our hearts and minds, as well as the physical barriers we have built in so many different places, and we need to begin working to dismantle those barriers. In the activist community, and in the world at large, we waste so much time evaluating our differences and determining how these differences prevent us from forming symbiotic relationships. We focus on the negative aspects of our differences and convince ourselves there are distinct groups with labels like “us” and “them”. From this mindset, there is a bigger picture that we are missing. If we all want change, and we are all willing to work toward positive change, then why does it matter if you want to get rid of car culture and I want lower taxes for the middle class? If we both aren’t satisfied with how things are now, and we want to create a different world, what does it matter if you want universal health care and I want to get rid of Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations? The reality is all these things are connected, so why wouldn’t we all work together to achieve change? An united community all striving for change together is the only scenario that makes sense. For that to happen, we need to recognize our similarities and begin to focus on what brings us all together. Sweet Diversity!!

Until next time…

Peace.Tobias.

The Odd One Out

Hello Friends,

In an effort to keep these ramblings of mine focused on our reality, I recognize the need to be pragmatic about what we are doing here. The Living Revolution won’t always be about reading a blog, sharing a potluck, or having an longwinded, intellectual sparring match on Friday Nights. Eventually, we are going to start living and practicing what we believe. Eventually, we will transpose our thoughts into action, and we will create change in the world around us by behaving differently. Eventually, our diversity, desire and dedication will undermine the dominant paradigm, and we will recognize the part we play in making the world a better place to live. But first, something else must happen.

Before we reap the rewards of creative, forward thinking, we will be ridiculed. Before we reap the rewards of positive, life-altering change, we must endure the struggle to define ourselves. Before we shout our proclamations and revelations in the streets, we must share them quietly with confidants. Before we can re-invent who we are as individuals, we will endure the shame that will be heaped on us by people who cannot fathom living outside the constraints of the safety bubble of modern society. Because we consciously choose to think, talk, and behave differently, we will be ostracized. There are always consequences when challenging the dominant paradigm.

Some of us aren’t ready for that, for whatever reason. And some of us will never be ready for that commitment. Some of us will never be able to manifest a cognitive process in physical reality.  And some of us don’t believe any kind of real change will ever take place, because our opposition just seems so big and nasty and powerful, and how could we really ever alter that? This kind of thinking is the crack in our collective armor, and I don’t know how to address it.

On the other hand, some of us are already living parts of our beliefs. Some of us are pursuing our dreams, taking risks to do what we love, pushing boundaries and reaping the benefits. Some of us thrive on being the “odd one out”, because we understand and appreciate the process of thinking for ourselves, and we recognize how this separates us, in so many ways, from the larger mass of humanity. We constantly test what we believe, we constantly test our relationships, we constantly push ourselves to think critically and creatively about the world around us, because we know these actions and processes keep a fire burning inside us. Our desire is to live life because we know it is all we really have.

So, which one are you? Where is your head at right now? Step back and check out your life today, and see if there are places where your thoughts and beliefs might not be matching up with your actions. Where is the disconnect taking place? What gives you life today? What is sucking your soul away? What can you do to change these situations so they benefit you and the people around you? How willing are you to be the “odd one out”?

Drop a line and let me know what you think. Until next time…

Peace.Tobias

Literally!!

Hello Friends,

I often wonder about the power and meaning of the words we use when we speak. Do we tend to say what we think people want to hear? Do we tend to overuse metaphor, rhetoric, or other literary devices that often distract from our original point? Do we attempt to understand the world around us by way of fables and parables because we find the literal lessons to be too off-putting? Do we find it difficult to simply say what we mean, and mean what we say?

Some of the frustration I experience when I think about the coming revolution comes from the fact that we could be accomplishing so much more if we just decided to ACT as passionately as we SPEAK. That is to say, if we started behaving literally. Can you imagine if we all started talking about our dreams and plans and goals and fears and desires and everything else in literal terms? Or even if we just started talking about a fraction of our thoughts in literal terms? I believe it would be a truly incredible shift to see manifested. But we have to remember that if we actually behaved this way, our accountability and our responsibility toward to the Community around us would increase exponentially. We would be forced to consider the well-being of those around us to such an extent that we might actually put their needs above our own. We would do this because we would understand that the realization of individual dreams has such little value unless those dreams can be shared. And you can’t share something with someone unless you understand their desires and needs, and understand how to meet those needs. And you can’t undestand someone’s needs without communicating and connecting with them on the most profound, basic, literal level. And you can’t connect and communicate with the community around you if you can’t speak in truth, if you can’t speak literally.

Sometimes it is fear that keeps us from saying what we mean. We can’t predict how someone will respond to what you are going to say, and we worry that we might hurt, sadden, or anger that person. We are worried we might be ridiculed or shunned for speaking our true position, and we believe that shunning would be worse than the injustice we serve ourselves by not speaking truthfully(LITERALLY).

Sometimes it is pride that keeps us from saying what we truly want. We don’t want to admit how important something is to us. We can’t admit our vulnerability, because we don’t want to admit that we can’t function effectively without someone or something.  We don’t want to appear insufficient and we don’t want to appear weak.

Whatever the reason, it is time for our strange, unsuccessful patterns of communication to stop. It is time for our words to carry all the weight of our beliefs and desires. It is time for our actions to match our words, for our words to match our thoughts, and for our thoughts to be inspired by action. It is time for our lives to become literal manifestions of our hopes and dreams and failures and successes and fears and everything else. It is time to speak what we want to see happen in the world and in our lives and in our relationships, and then ACT to make those words a tangible reality.

Let’s do this together. I want to see a Living Revolution take place on this planet in my lifetime. I want to see equality and natural justice. I want to see Liberty in it’s purest form. I want to be a good father to my children. I want to love and respect my partner. I want to live so there will be no questioning what I believe to be true and right. What do you say? Drop a comment, or write me an email and tell me how we are going to change the world. Until next time…

Peace.Tobias.

Finding The Truth

Hello Friends,

Life is crazy, this we know. Often, we find ourselves unprepared to deal with the drama of new changes in our lives, and  sometimes we shut down. Our job is stressful, we don’t make enough money, our kids aren’t happy, our partners don’t give us the attention we need. We don’t get enough exercise, we eat too much, the car insurance needs to be paid, and the dishwasher is broken. We feel like things should be better or at least different, and we find ourselves slowly slipping into a dark abyss of self-pity and apathy. I think so much of the displeasure we find in our own lives comes from convincing ourselves we “deserve” a better life.

I watched this movie last night, and it made me think a bit more about my life, and the lives of the people I love. Mostly, I reflected on how blessed and lucky we are to have access to the plethora of resources that are available to us, but I also thought about how often I find myself or someone else complaining about how “hard” life is. I thought a bit about White Entitlement, and I thought a bit about how I might live my life differently if I knew when I would die. As a amateur psychologist, I contemplated how the way we think effects our physiology, and how a poor attitude can actually produce poor health. As a self-proclaimed “silly hippy”, I contemplated how a negative attitude can produce  negative energy or “vibe”  that is perceptible to other people. As someone who believes we are all connected by the energy that makes up everything, I contemplated how this kind of attitude may  adversely effect our interactions with the people around us.

I realized that much of the drama and discontent we experience comes from our confusion about what real life and happiness “should” be. I recognized a series of untruths we tell ourselves that create a skewed view of reality in our minds. We hold ourselves to a unrealistic standard that is a product of the messages we absorb throughout our lives, forced on us by a variety of authorities, from our parents to the people who control advertising. I started putting together a list of experiences in my own life that were based on untruths and confusion. At the same time, I started putting together a list everything in my life I believe is TRUE.

Here are a few of the TRUTHS I recognize: The love I have for my kids. The love I have for my partner. My desire to be tested to the core of my being.  My distaste for modern American culture and the corporate government that runs the show. My belief in the chaos and order of the natural world and the importance of a symbiotic relationship between human beings and the rest of the Earth’s inhabitants. My belief in the power of focused thought and intentional action to inspire lasting change. The thankfulness I have toward the people who have influenced me to become the person I am today. The importance I place on physical interaction with my environment and the people around me. The belief that our attitudes, not our circumstances, determine our happiness.

I wondered if there is a pattern or process that comes with recognizing the TRUTH in something or someone, and I wondered how we could show other people this method, assuming it does exist. I wondered how we could go about unlearning old patterns of thought and action, and learn new ways of perceiving the world. I wondered if we could all get on the same page and put forth a message that contained TRUTH and agree on what that meant. What is TRUTH in your life? How does it determine your thoughts and actions? How often do you share your version of TRUTH with other people? Tell me something true.

Until next time…

Peace.Tobias.